Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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