She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
