haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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