u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
