There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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