HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
