I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
