We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
