guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
