Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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