I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
