I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
