that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
