Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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