I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
