There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
