im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
