he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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