Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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