Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
