I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the day after is always just damage control
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
