At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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