Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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