yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she told me i tasted like america
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
