he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
