I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
