did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize