I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
