Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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