I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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