it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
