Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
