look no pants
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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