do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
