Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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