The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
