I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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