I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
