you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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