are you still at the devil's house?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
