I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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