So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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