Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
