He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
