my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
