Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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