Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize