is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
