I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
