sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize