my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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