Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
