in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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