I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
