I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
