she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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