i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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