You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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