...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
