i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize