i was born a porn star she said
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
