Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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