You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
