porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
