haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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