Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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