just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
