In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize