i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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