I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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