Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
