did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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