and i looked up. we had an audience...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
