Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
God gave him joint rollers for hands
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
