Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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