I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
