I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize