he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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