I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
