blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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