I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
