She is in my trunk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
