so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
