if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
