Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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