I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
