You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
