She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize