is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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