Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
