I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
