Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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