you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
