I bet he comes in French.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
