carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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