DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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