just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i out mim tonsoeep
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