Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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